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In need of a second opinion for historical romance
regency brad and nate
Hi, I hope you don't mind me posting this, but I'm tearing my hair out. Basically I'm writing an original story for a challenge called novel_bigbang.
My story is called 'The Troubadour and the Nightingale. The trouble is I'm losing all confidence in my writing style. I just need for someone to give me some suggestions for style and flow. I'm particularly worried about Showing vs. Telling as I know it's something I struggle with still. Any help would be gratefully received!

Would really benefit from feedback!Collapse )

I guess I'll get this started.
Turn the cage up-side-down if you wanna flip the bird.
All you gotta do is say you want it with the words.
Then I'll be on it to the third power of a maelstrom.
Your verses are like child rape victims, I never felt one./
Live long and prosper is a concept I can't fathom.
So I spit atoms that's a domino effect for my~
Actions. I put more to this than an adlib.
Shatter different factions with my pad like it was made of magic./
Verbal lachesis, smash your shit with different acronyms.
Imagine this: I'm rapping with a black mask and matching Timbs.
Book in hand who slaps the crooked man for looking damned.
I could've slammed the hooded man for life of a "would've" man./
But now I'ma low life with no mic, got no rights.
Laid off another day, there my blood and grace.
Can't hold tight so I fade away where there's no light.
Another place to grow right, see there's no sun to shade./

After 4 months of not writing, I feel a bit rusty.

What this place is
This is a community for people to talk about how to tighten up, or just generally improve your prose, no matter what genre or length it is.

No matter what your style is, what your preferred genre(s) is or are, if you are in need of critiquing or suggestions on how to word something better, anything like that, submit some of your work here, and someone will surely be able to help.